Paradox and My Random Six month Reflections

Life as I see it is filled with paradoxical meaning...

Throughout our lives we are faced with what we've done and what we haven't done. Is it better to regret something you've done than something you haven't? Light and Dark, Truth and Lies, Hatred and Love...these things have come to the forefront of my thinking lately with recent developments in the country. CHA (my organization) is presently under fire for its views on the country. Some employees have been targetted and have been asked by a certain political party to choose "money or life". My question is why would you ask a "humanitarian worker" that question"? My naive thought is that as humanitarian workers we are not there for money, fame, etc, but rather to see the country grow, reconcile and prosper. How can one choose such a diabolical ultimatum?

Over the past month I have been fortunate to be invited to some very high profile fora. These fora have all covered the same topic, "Peace and Development". Three of the speakers have been from three different parties, the opposition party (UNP) which was heading the country up to 2 years ago, the JVP (or as a call them, the terrorist maoist party), and the JHU (or as I call them, the militant monk party). The UNP's standpoint was to bring back the Cease Fire Agreement, work on peace, build business and focus on the future; the JVP called for an increased war, the crushing of the Tamil Tigers (LTTE), and a socialized system of government headed by the Sinhalese; the JHU stated that there is only one Sri Lanka and history shows that it belongs to the Sinhala buddhists and the only way to peace is by "winning" the war against the LTTE.

Something struck me during each of these fora, the only person standing up for all out peace had a focus on the future. The latter two speakers often related the situation taking place in the country to the past- the foreign influence, the colonizers, and the glory of ancient civilizations. I saw this reliance on the past as a kind of weapon, a way to distort and justify the present. Much of my reflection was supported by a talk given by an archbishop from Rwanda. He came to speak on the genocide, Rwanda's ministy of Peace and Reconciliation, and his country's position 10 years on. His major point was to let the past be the past, remember it, understand it, but don't let it take over decisions for the present and future-that reliance, he said, is the surest way of keeping anger, hatred, ethnic division, and self-imposed victimization alive.

I walked down the street today and saw the same woman I've seen over the past 6 months with the same four children, begging on the street. I have never been the type of person to give to beggars (I see it as demeaning to the person/people), but tonight I felt something different, a certain compassion and empathy which comes at certain moments. I gave the woman 1000 rupees (10$ Canadian) and she cried. This money may not seem like a lot to us in Canada, but it will probably help her feed herself and her children for the next two weeks. I felt rather helpless at that moment, and I realized that feeling was good...sometimes that helplessness helps us gain perspective.

T